This interview was first published in the May-June 2019 issue of CDJournal.
For this month’s CDJournal, we conducted a solo interview with Wada Ayaka just before her graduation. Enjoy this in-depth interview with ANGERME’s leader!
— First off, let’s talk about ANGERME. How is ANGERME now that Oota Haruka and Ise Layla joined the group?
Honestly, while I’m still with them, it’ll be hard for those two to bring their own colour to ANGERME. They’ve only been around for six months. Personally, I thought our previous 10-member line-up was amazing. We’ve had a wonderful time together and each of us brought something different. We created a group in which diversity is welcome. With them joining, I hope ANGERME will be more colourful rather than just changing shape.
— You don’t think the group’s image has changed much?
Wada: Right. We’re all in the same group, but we took different paths to get here. It became more obvious to me after they joined and became the youngest members. The environment we had with 10 members wasn’t the same, but I feel we’re getting more colourful. However, it doesn’t mean things haven’t changed after they joined. The biggest part is that we’re learning about how society works. I haven’t felt this way in a long time, so it’s exciting. They don’t know anything and I’m having fun watching them. They both came to Tokyo from Hokkaido and don’t spend as much time with their family as they did before. They aren’t used to this lifestyle and they’re just working and working. They’re learning and feeling a burden. Sometimes things went wrong, but they overcame that in those few months and so did everyone else. I have the feeling we’re finally starting something new.
— Things don’t always go well, and not just on stage.
Wada: Of course. Neither of them knew how to use honorifics. When you’ve been doing this for years, honorifics are second nature. I’ve seen them mess up and get frustrated. As a group, we were scrambling to find solutions.
— Have you felt frustrated in the past yourself? Did you ever look at 2ki members and think, ‘why?!’?
Wada: I still do, even now! They’re all kids. (laugh) I’ve often asked myself why they don’t get things, but you know, the fact that they don’t understand brings out the best of them.
— You never see something as either black or white, it can go both ways. It’s interesting listening to you.
Wada: It’s hard expressing this stuff!
— I agree and if I cut your words, you could be misunderstood. You often say that while you think something, this other way of thinking is valid too. That’s why I won’t cut things abruptly and I’ll make sure to write down your thoughts as much as possible. Moving on, you said you’re not thinking about how ANGERME will turn out after your graduation?
Wada: I don’t think about it. I just trust them and they should do as they please. I’ve come to think about myself more in the past year. I used to think about the group’s future, but now that I know it’s not in my control, I started having enough time to care about myself.
— So you’re thinking about your own future.
Wada: Yes. Now I’m living in 2021.
— You’re a woman of the future.
Wada: I am, but we’re still in 2019, so I have nothing on my plate but ANGERME now. I feel I should take it easy and enjoy it.
— What will you be doing in 2021?
Wada: I’ll be going all out and working actively. My mind is full of things I’d like to do.
— You’ve said before that you wanted to continue with ANGERME forever, but when you thought about the members’ future, you realized you couldn’t. You must have been disappointed. How did you come to terms with that?
Wada: I was disappointed as if I woke up from a dream. It was sad, but obvious, though. Nothing lasts forever in this world and there was no guarantee I could always be active with these members. Naturally, I knew we all have our own lives, but I really took peace for granted. (laugh) I closed my eyes and lived away from reality thinking we could go on together forever. It was a great shock to me, but thankfully, I thought about the things I wanted to do and focused on that.
— You thought about other members’ lives.
Wada: I did, and I can’t take on this responsibility. I can’t go that far. I’m sorry, but they have to think for themselves.
— That happened two years ago. I understand you’re always living two years ahead.
Wada: Finally, I feel at peace. I’ve come to terms with reality. I’d like to dream again, living in real life.
— You want to dream again, and continue on your own.
Wada: Yes.
— You’re making it a point to say that you want to keep working as an idol.
Wada: I am, for a reason.
— While considering your life after graduation, you wanted to continue as an idol. How did you realize that?
Wada: Hmm… I wonder how. Essentially, I like being an idol, and there’s no reason for me to go all the way and stop being an idol. As for how I realized that, I’m not sure.
— You’re restricted when using ‘idol’ as your job title, though.
Wada: Of course, and it might be what frustrated me the most. I ‘had’ to be ‘like that’. I debuted in 2010, and as new idols started appearing, the clearer it was to me. I felt stuck at times. Can I talk about this in detail?
— Sure, go ahead.
Wada: Generally speaking, a typical idol is conventional and cute with natural make-up. I started believing it was fine for an idol not to be like that. I like art and there are many artworks that make you think about what it means to be a woman. In the past, women had to stay at home and many couldn’t work. Artworks were created during those times, and I realized it was part of real life. Reflecting on this, there were many aspects that overlapped with my own work as an idol. A new path opened before my eyes, leading me to think it was fine seeing things the way I did.
— The way you saw idols and thought about them changed.
Wada: The more I followed that path, the more I felt restricted. We have to think about this more and give everyone the opportunity to be who they want to be. I strongly believed that I had to break that mold while I’m active. Age might be one thing, but to put it simply, I just wanted to go beyond that. Not only this, but we need to think larger. Idols themselves don’t even know some things are possible for them. They don’t have an interest, and there are no opportunities for them in the first place. They have to think and take responsibility for themselves. I’m sure I can have a strong influence on them by being an idol and showing things I’m interested in through singing and dancing.
— Actually, it seems as if you’re talking about gender issues rather than the image of idols.
Wada: You’re not wrong.
— It didn’t take you long to reach that point.
Wada: Fufu. (laugh) I got there fast.
— It was with a different angle, but you could express your views clearly in musicals like Mode and Yume miru Television.
Wada: Still, those stories felt a bit dated with women who couldn’t be working in some environments. I don’t think you could be influenced directly by that, but you can reflect about your surroundings and see many connections. When you’re on the production side of idols, you’re holding on to an image unconsciously. It’s hard changing that. Not only the receiving side, but the production side has a responsibility. If this side isn’t saying anything, nothing happens so the other side isn’t discussing it.
— That’s for sure. You won’t deny there’s a fantasy aspect to idols.
Wada: I won’t.
— Do you think it should be closer to reality?
Wada: It should be. It’s really hard to do, but it can be done. When you can’t tell a story only with reality, adding a bit of fantasy can actually make it resonate more.
— Reality and fantasy can coexist without conflicting.
Wada: That’s how I see it. When you do that, you want to change things, or really, spark a conversation. You want to talk about a current issue with everyone else.
— It’s strange how there’s a rumour that you have to leave a group at 25 when some idols graduate at a younger age.
Wada: I don’t take it badly when I’m told things like that. I don’t think about it myself, so when I hear that, I’m like, ‘Oh, really?’. I have no clue why it’s a thing, why some people choose this time to go.
— It has to be a coincidence.
Wada: I can’t think of anything but that. They thought about that time. However, there are girls who want to get married. Girls dream of that. I’m not against it; it’s a wonderful thing. If it’s their wish, they should go for it. You’re bound to think this way, because you know, you’re considered old if you get pregnant after 35. If you keep working as an idol, then you can’t fulfill your dream, sadly.
— Let’s go back to a previous topic. You said that art often opened your eyes to the world?
Wada: In many ways. I learn about things mostly through art. It starts with passion, then I get a huge shock.
— You have deep thoughts. What made you want to express them openly?
Wada: It started about a year ago. Even if I feel something, I can’t say ‘it’s like this’. We all have different ways of thinking in the group. I don’t want to brainwash the new members, it’d be weird. That’s why I don’t say anything while I’m with the group, ANGERME could see it wrong. Since I announced my graduation, I’m answering questions like ‘What will you be doing?’ alone and I see them as an opportunity to talk. As I’ve said before, I’ve been thinking about myself more. I deepened my reflection, or really, I’m more convinced. (laugh)
— You said on your blog that the members were excited about possible Banksy art in Tokyo, but you couldn’t tell them that if it really were Banksy, his goal was to send a warning message to Tokyo. You’re always considering the members, refraining from saying things and choosing your words to have the right impact.
Wada: I do consider them. Some things should be said, really, but if I told them, it might create a strange atmosphere. I talk if I can, but not with the members. I’m scared I might put my thoughts into someone’s mind unintentionally. They’re young, so they’re sensitive to topics, especially the youngest ones.
— I see. You also learned French because of art, right?
Wada: My favourite painter is Manet. I read books for school, but I have to know French.
— So you can check original documents.
Wada: That was the point, but also, I just really had to go to Paris, where Manet painted. I learned French because of that, but now I keep studying it because the language itself is fun. (laugh) It all started with Manet, but I’d like to see social movements and such over there too.
— You’re also heading in that direction yourself.
Wada: Right. People from different countries are living in Paris, and I want to see that for myself.
— It seems you’re thinking about living there.
Wada:…Yes. (laugh) I’d like to live there permanently at 60 years old. I’m thinking about staying there for a short while, but I love Japanese idols, so I’ll come back after all. I’m sure about this. I’m not walking away from my surroundings. It’d be easy to leave, but I won’t. I’m having fun so I can’t.
— You grew up as an idol, so there must have been times when you thought about stopping, right?
Wada: Well, sometimes learning choreography was too hard. (laugh) But dancing is fun, and so is singing.
— Do you feel your body has changed? Michishige Sayumi often said that she started getting leg cramps in her 20s.
Wada: Oh, I actually haven’t felt that, except I got hay fever like a week ago.
— So only from this year!
Wada: I’m still not sure if it is. I recorded songs with a nasal voice. (laugh) It’s just light hay fever, so it’s fine.
— You haven’t felt changes to your body, but your mind has certainly matured.
Wada: I matured, right! (laugh) I’m often told I’m mature, but it seems I’m talking too much and too honestly, so I need to be more careful.
— I’ve always had this impression of you as someone who speaks honestly about everything. Aren’t you already being careful, choosing your words with the members and all?
Wada: I tend to overthink. I guess I woke up from my dream too abruptly. After I realized everyone has their own life, I got a bit scared.
— Was there anything that happened which made you reach that conclusion?
Wada: When I heard the members talking about their future and I felt a gap. They were following a different path from mine. Also, the new members are 10 years younger than me. When I was still dreaming, I thought the new members shared the same dream, but when I thought about it, I realized that it’d be an issue if their dream changed in 10 years. We were supposed to have the same dream, but it might be different then.
— You thought you were a group with a common destiny.
Wada: I thought we were like that, but after 10 years, chances are members would want to follow a different path.
— And you realized that…
Wada: …Through everyday chat.
— Then, you woke up from your dream and decided to work as an idol alone from scratch.
Wada: I don’t know who I am completely yet either, so I’ll figure that out after graduating.
— You’re going to find your true self.
Wada: Once I find it, I’ll put it into words.
I haven’t put myself out there yet
— Have you decided what you want your graduation concert to look like?
Wada: My priority right now is showing everyone how awesome ANGERME is. That’s what I want the concert to be about. I’d be happy if all the members could shine.
— That’s very much like you. When I asked you about the tour a while ago, you questioned whether it’d be good to add a lot of S/mileage songs to the setlist. You really wanted to showcase current ANGERME.
Wada: The past is behind us. If I don’t make current ANGERME members shine, there’s no point to this concert. Basically, current members are the present. At the same time, it’d be nice to look back a bit because there won’t be any original S/mileage members left after me, but I’d do it for only for three minutes or so.
— That’d be too short. (laugh) Besides, aren’t you looking back in your song Yume mita 15?
Wada: Back to back. (laugh) The song is all about throwbacks.
— When I listen to it, I just feel emotional.
Wada: …Same for me. (laugh) It made me feel emotional after our first performance. Before then, the lyrics meant something to me, but there were parts I couldn’t sing with my own emotions during recording. When we performed it live, my emotions and the audience’s came together and it finally resonated deeply with me. Everyone ended up sobbing. I appreciate that, so I want to cherish and sing it for everyone.
— So listeners’ emotions completed the song for you.
Wada: Yes, and the fact that it’s an upbeat song too. You have all those emotions and you’re singing them positively. It’s all the more touching.
— It reminds me of Country Girls. Also, you have a new song (Kaeritakunai na) written by Tsunku. Will this be a graduation song too?
Wada: It’s not a straight-up graduation song, but I relate to it and love it. It’s like that song he wrote when Meimei (Tamura Meimi) graduated, Koi nara tokku ni hajimatteru. You can sing it like any other non-graduation song, but it fills you with sadness. When I recorded it, it brought back many feelings to the surface. It’s like magic.
— I’m excited to hear this song. Do you feel like it’s your last single personally?
Wada: Not really, it’s just Koi wa Accha Accha.
— It just came down to that.
Wada: So much suspense. (laugh) There are a lot of elements from Indian culture and it hits you hard, but when you read the lyrics, you realize that they were trying to do something similar to 46okunen LOVE. You see that they’re connected and the intention of people behind it. To be honest, when they told me it had an Indian theme, I thought it’d be a perfect fit for me. (laugh) The outfit suits me the best out of everyone. (laugh) I’m often mistaken for someone from another Asian country, so I thought I’d be the best in that role.
— Do you feel sad as your graduation is approaching?
Wada: I sure do. There are days I don’t feel as energetic, but as soon as I’m with the group, my day becomes brighter because they’re all really silly. (laugh) It makes me sad thinking I’m going to be missing that in my life. Thankfully, after that, I’ll have an opportunity to show myself at last. I haven’t put myself out there yet.
— It seems like it. I look forward to talking to you during your solo activities too.
Wada: Now I have to hold myself back so I won’t say too much. (laugh) Let’s talk again in 2021.
World Wide Wota 